Posts Tagged ‘satire’

27
Sep

Common Core Standards: Five Big ‘Real Deal’ Ideas

by adminadam in articles, education, humor

Based on “From Common Core Standards to Curriculum: Five Big Ideas” by Jay McTighe and Grant Wiggins.

IDEA #1 – Common Core Standards have new emphases and require careful reading.

To fully comprehend the BRAND-SPANKING-NEWNESS of the Common Core Standards you have to read them very carefully, because A) you are biased and think it’s just the “Same Old, Same Old”, and B) you don’t read things carefully. They are actually, really, truly new. Oh, yeah, and the Common Core Standards are Beautiful, Special, and Unique Snowflakes – each and every one of them. Read them daily with your microscope, magnifying glass, or monocle and (re)discover their never-ending novelty.

IDEA #2 – Standards are not curriculum.

Standards are not curriculum; goals are not processes; vision is not logistics; overall philosophy is not a set of specific instructions for instruction. Don’t forget it. Oh, and because you weren’t aware of any of this it most likely means you have been “(m)arching through a list of topics or skills” and calling it “guaranteed and viable” in your teaching. And this ain’t never gonna yield the “Sophisticated Outcomes that the Standards envision”. So quit throwin’ your meaningless labels on what you’re doing and callin’ it good, yo! Also, don’t you dare forget to capitalize the ‘Standards’ in ‘Common Core Standards’; them dudes is holy, you see?

IDEA #3 – Standards need to be “unpacked”.

The Common Core Standards are not one whole, but four, read: Four Cohesive Whole’s. And the Whole’s gotta be unpacked, ya’ll.

  • One Whole is Long Term Transfer Goals. Meaning kids apply what they learn from your class to what they’re doing in other classes, and possibly even in real life. Transfer that one to your Long-Term Practice – ‘cause I bet you never would’ve!
  • Whole Number Dos is Overarching Understandings. Meaning that students will now be able to build an archway over their heads under which they can stand. Comprende, muchacho? In this way they will truly understand what bridge builders go through on a day-to-day basis. Pretty cool, huh?
  • Whole Number Three is Overarching Essential Questions, so students can be empowered to ask things like ‘What is the quickest, most effective way for me to build this bridge so I can drive over it into the Land of Bridges which is college?’. Or, ‘What is the meaning of life if I’m ditched by my homecoming date?’.
  • The Last Whole is Cornerstone Tasks. Neither stones nor one-time items on a to-do list, these are life-long performances that students will learn to act out. Things like teamwork, creativity, or pretending to be able to use a computer. This brings us into the 21st century, which, by the way, is the New Century that began 14 years ago. So we’re a bit behind, you see? Because that’s when computers, the internet, creativity, and the idea of team-work were invented. Let’s get these kids ready for the year 2000. You may not know this, but at least two states have already brought their Art Standards up to the Year 2000 Level: Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. They had content experts and experienced teachers (yes, both!) unpack — literally ‘take out of their backpacks’ — brand new Next Generation Arts Standards. Things you couldn’t even imagine before the creation of the internet, like building Mood-based Color-changing Dubstep/Techno Unicorn Mobile Speakers (which now hang from the ceilings in every classroom in their states). Rumor has it students in Massachusetts will be adding RC laser-pointer horns to the unicorns sometime during second semester of this year. And in April, Pennsylvania school districts will begin auditions for endurance violinists who can stand under and accompany the unicorn dupstep mobiles throughout the school day. What’s your state doing?

IDEA #4 – A coherent curriculum is mapped backward from desired performances.

Map it backwards. Start from the end-point and walk backwards to the beginning. Students need to see this kind of performance modeled. This is the only way they will know where they’re going, and the only way you’ll know for sure how to get them there. Do the same with your curriculum; write it backwards. (.noitautcnup ruoy htiw gnitrats yrT)

IDEA #5 – Standards come alive through assessments.

Holy cow! Assessments are what bring the Standards to life. The Standards were already holy, of course; now they will be transubstantiated into Performances, Quizzes, Tests, and Country Reports. It is Apotheosis: Physical. Let there be Cornerstone Tasks!

10
Mar

Nerd Nihilism

by adminadam in home, humor

“You can’t just go around bashing the Singularity like that!”

“Well, why not? Isn’t it due the same scrutiny as any other statistical or theoretical extrapolation?”

“No. Just no.”

“Why is that?”

“Don’t you understand?! — the Singularity is a sacred tenant of Nerd-dom, beating out even force-fields and light-sabers in conceptual God-status!…”

“I am not aware of any such thing as conceptual God-status, nor does it lend anything at all to your case this equating it with your Zeus-level memetics or whatever you want to call it. Science doesn’t care if it’s cool or if your world view rests upon its shoulders; all that matters is the truth: Is it going to happen or isn’t it? And your quick-tempered reaction to my by-all-standards-justifiably-dubious approach to the issue is self-defeating to say the least… I mean, would you want people making parody god-concepts out of your precious Singularity, much like the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Invisible Pink Unicorn parody the God of the Old Testament? Give it a rest, please! It’s just another blogger pointing out some obvious fallacies inherent in the meme.”

“I… Ghah! I hate you!!”

“To further my point, consider how unlikely it is that we could properly imagine something so supposedly un-imagineable in the first place! I mean, where do you even start if the extrapolation leads to a wall of un-extrapolatability? ‘It’s like saying God is so mysteriously, incredibly powerful that you’re not even gonna believe it!’ To which me or any other sane, skeptical scientist would respond: ‘Ok, I’ll take your word for it. I don’t believe in it one bit then!’ Don’t waste your energy deifying such a mundane, backwater concept, that’s all I’m saying.”

“It’s not mundane or backwater! It’s brand-spanking new! It’s — it’s.. It’s the most glorious — bad-assest, mega-bajillion-power-plus-infinity concept there is! I mean, the Singularity almost guarantees us Earthly eternal bliss. And you don’t even have to believe in it to get the access-cards to the Mega-Rapture of the Nerds. It’s just gonna happen, what with all the modulation and widgetizing and hackitizing, not to mention the research and development money that’s being poured into the field of recursively self-improving A.I., which is really just the beginn…”

“Stop. Just stop right there. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve seen the wikipedia article on the Technological Singularity. I’ve listened to Ray Kurzweil speak at TED. I’ve read Vernor Vinge’s works. There’s nothing you can say. You’re not gonna convert me. I’m beyond it. I’m post-cyberpunk to your momma’s moldy Nöospheres. I’m post-singularitarian while you’re still in singularitarian infancy. I’m nerd nihilism 2.0. But you, you’re still raving about AOL 2.0!! Go home already!! Just go home!”

The nihilist turns his back and walks away, leaving Mr. S-fan boquiabierta — stunned and without a comeback.

“God I hate these playa-hater’s…” mumbles Mr. S-fan to no-one in particular. Looking off into the distance he ends saying, “Maybe I should make it a religion…. Yea, I’ll call it Singularitarianism… Yeah, I like the sound of that. It just rolllllls off your tongue…” He tromps self-righteous back to the hood, his hood, the neighborhood net-cafe, to make his plans for the future and ensure that nerd-nihilism spreads to not-another-soul…

THE INSPIRATION FOR THE STORY:
Article: The Singularity has already happened.

THE NEXT THING TO READ:
The Rapture of the Nerds, NOT

MORE SINGULARITY LINKS:
The Three Major Singularity Schools
Kurzweil’s TED Speech
Vernor Vinge’s Famous Theoretical Paper

18
Sep

Peace Be Unto Her

by adminadam in humor

The Invisible Pink Unicorn. The brilliant imaginary beast which cannot be seen is manifest. She truly exists and blesses all ye faithful followers. Ever since the day she shone upon me her lovely, photon-free light, I’ve felt stupendously full of fortune. Faith was all that was needed; learning unnecessary. The path was laid out before me in footprints I needed only to believe in – Pink ones. Invisible pink ones. And now I know the way. Blessed be her.

LEARN MORE: The unseen path can here be discovered. She awaits.

Oh, and don’t trust the propaganda below. Contrary to the information in the video, Her Pinkness is not a hallucination. She is real.